As I took a forced break from running, I didn’t realize how far off track I would allow my pause to take me. I did the right thing. I injured myself so, I needed to listen to my body and stop running so that I could allow myself to heal. That is the story I kept telling myself and those around me who knew I was training for the marathon. However, unconsciously, I had found my excuse.
Because I had this injury, I didn’t have to run, and people would be accepting of this. Unconsciously, I also told myself that I didn’t have to eat healthy. And now I realize, I didn’t have a purpose…
In the four weeks I had taken off from running, I gained weight and became sluggish and sleepy. I didn’t like how I feel, how I look, and how much I wanted to sleep all the time. Looking back, I realize that I forgot about my mindset. I have to BE a marathon runner! I have to BE that person who is focused, determined, has a lot of stamina, faith, confidence, and a fearlessness to overcome obstacles….real or perceived.
I had fallen off track! It is now 8 weeks since I’ve done any significant amount of running and the story I’ve been telling myself is baloney! What’s my purpose? Why did I set out to do this in the first place? What was the original driving force? Well, truthfully, the story I was telling myself was that I was turning 40 and that I needed some monumental way to conquer this milestone. The marathon was a perfect way to prove to myself and others that you can do something like this no matter what age. Really? Was that MY purpose? I had sold myself that story. I bought it….hook, line, and sinker! Sure, my story carried my far enough to register for the marathon and train for it for at least a month however, it was not enough to carry me all the way through…through to the end; through to the vision I created for myself.
So what is the REAL story? The real story is that I did not have a purpose that came from passion. I didn’t have ‘WILL’ so, there was no ‘WAY’ I was going to accomplish this; especially after my set-back. To discover the real story, I needed to go back to my passions. So, I started with a list of things that feed my soul. Interestingly enough, the first thing that I put at the top of that list was running and walking; especially in a beautiful place! Oh, there are many other things on the list, such as dancing, singing, painting, drawing, a good conversation, connection with others, etc., but the very first thing I put on there was running!
So, now what do I do? I’ve discovered that running nurtures my soul; especially when I run in a beautiful place. Well, I have a beautiful place just 1.5 miles away from me called Independence Grove so, now what’s my excuse. Well, now I have to remind myself that I run because it nurtures my soul….not because I am needing to conquer a milestone age, or because I need to lose weight (which I do), but because it nurtures my soul! …because it makes me feel alive….because it fills me up with happiness & joy….because it inspires me…because I am worth it!
Ah….now that’s a much better track to be on!