Rejection…Giving It & Receiving It!

RejectionAt a recent “Wine Tasting & Relationship Conversations for Singles” event, I remember one conversation around the subject of rejection.  How do you politely reject someone?  Most of us tell a white lie and say, “Yes, call me” at the end of the date, even though we already know that it isn’t a match.  Then we simply don’t return the calls, texts, or emails.  We’ve all done it…and we’ve all experienced it.  If you’ve experienced it, it leaves you wondering what you might have said or done wrong.  There is no closure and it can feel unsettling.
So, how about being confident in who you are and knowing what you want?  How about being direct and honest with your date?  How about saying something like, “I really enjoyed your company, but:
–  There’s something missing between us
–  I am not feeling that spark
–  It doesn’t feel like our values are really aligned
–  I have a deal breaker (smoker, drinker, religion, politics, wanting children, etc.) and we are opposites on this.  That just doesn’t work for me.
I wish you nothing but the best in your search for the right person!”
Now, this suggestion is not the only way to handle rejecting someone.  In the end, you have to find a formula that is right for you however, if you were being rejected, wouldn’t you like to know where you stand rather than have your communication linger on for a few weeks with no response leaving you in a state of wonder?  If you are the one rejecting someone else, wouldn’t you prefer to be clear at the end of the date so that you don’t have to dodge those phone calls, texts, and/or emails all week trying to figure out a way to let them know you are not interested  or let them down easy?
Of course rejecting someone can be uncomfortable however, just like exercising a muscle, it takes many repetitions until that muscle can be built.  So, practice makes perfect!  The more you do it the way you’d really like it to be done, the easier it will become.   At the end of the day, you have no control over how someone reacts to you however, you have complete control over your reactions to others.
What are some other ways you’ve handled rejection and/or you would prefer to be rejected?