Baggage? I Ain’t Got No Stinking Baggage!

HoarderWhat is your home environment like?  Is it messy and cluttered?  Dirty and disorganized?  Or are you super-clean and super-organized? If your home environment feels like it is caving in on you or taking over your life, guess what?  It is!  It could be a symptom of the pain(s) you hold inside from your past.  OK, so you are probably not a hoarder, but do you have hoarder-like tendencies?  Are you unable to let go of things because you’ve attached a memory or emotion to it?  It’s perfectly normal to attach a memory or emotion to an object and hold onto that object to remind you, but doing this in excess may mean you’ve got some emotional baggage which is manifesting into actual physical baggage. When we clean-up our home environment, and feel proud of our space, and comfortable welcoming others in, we also feel proud of ourselves and are more likely to welcome others into our lives.  As you start to go through things you may find that everything has an important memory that you want to keep.  So, what are you going to do?  Can you really keep it all and still feel good about your space?  One way to further weed through your things is to keep only those items that you can put in a place of honor or put on display somewhere so that you are truly honoring that memory rather than burying it under a pile of papers. We all have baggage because we are all human!  How much we hold onto is a choice.  Many of us are unconsciously choosing to hold onto everything, and therefore feel out of control.  Once we shine light on those deep dark places that are buried deep within us, they aren’t dark anymore; we can release them into the light; we can release some of the physical baggage too!

What are you avoiding?

What do you need to pull out of the darkness and release into the light?

What do you need to let go of?

The Truth!

the-truth-shall-set-you-freeI moved to Denver from Chicago in November of 2012 not really knowing a soul in Denver but bringing with me all of the excitement and joy of starting a new life in a new place.  I knew I would miss my friends and family back in Chicago, but I figured that with all of the technology out there today, I could easily stay in touch via phone, e-mail, skype, etc.  And I did!  But what I did not foresee in all of the preparations I had made for this big move in my life was how much I would miss the ENERGY of the people I love.

About four months after I moved to Denver, I had slowly become depressed.  I lost my confidence; my motivation.  Being alone on this journey with only my cat for comfort, I didn’t realize how much I would miss a person’s physical presence, a touch, or being in the same room with someone who really knows me.  I began to sleep a lot.  I would sleep a full 8 hours, get up, have breakfast, and then sleep again for another hour or two.  I had no energy to work on my business or reach out to anyone.  I only had the desire for more sleep, which was my only escape from loneliness, which was the situation I had put myself in. (Situational Depression)

About six months into my move was when I realized that I was actually depressed.  For two months, I was denying this.  I didn’t want to admit it to myself and I didn’t want to face it if it were true so, I pushed it away and kept feeling it’s symptoms.  However, once I became conscious of this depression; once I acknowledged it and allowed the possibility, I now had a choice.  I could stay depressed and keep sleeping all of the time, or I could be vulnerable, share my dark secret with others, reach out for help, and get back to the person I was when I felt confident and motivated!

So to help myself, I decided that I would answer a key question truthfully.  When I spoke to friends or family who were asking me, “How are you doing,” I would tell them the truth….and it did begin to set me free!

The truth set me free because I was willing to acknowledge it, embrace it, and speak it; I was willing to be vulnerable; to show that I don’t always have it all together; to show that I am human.  Because I was willing to do these things, I received support from friends and family who checked in with me much more often and asked what they could do to help.  Because I was willing to tell my new Denver friends what I was experiencing, they were willing to reach out to me more and relationships began to blossom.  Because I was honest with myself and others, life began to blossom again.

Is there something you are denying yourself?

Is there a truth you are not willing to admit to yourself, let alone others?

What if you have nothing to lose, but everything to gain if you allow the truth to set you free?

Where’s Your Passion & Purpose?

passion-heart-and-purposeDo you love what you do?  Does your work feel fulfilling?  Do you feel like the work you do makes a difference or has a positive impact on others?  If so, congratulations!  It sounds like you are working in a career that is in alignment with your values, purpose, and passion.

If not, do you know what your values are?  Do you know your purpose in life?  Do you know what you are passionate about?  Are you doing anything outside of work that might put you in alignment with these things?

Once you knowing your values, passions, and purpose, it is time to line-up the things, people, and activities in your life that align with you.  That is when you start living a very fulfilled life!

If you’d like to start figuring all of this stuff out, I encourage you to DOWNLOAD THE INSTANT WORKSHOP, “Finding My Passion & Purpose in Life, which includes a Values worksheet, Life Purpose worksheet, and a 15 minute guided meditation to help you find your purpose.  It’s a fantastic start to your personal  journey!

Ask for It Upfront!

What Do You Wantn - SmallAsking for what you are looking for upfront is an act of honoring yourself and your own needs when it comes to finding the love of your life.  On many of the FREE Conscious Dating Group Coaching Calls, there is often concern from the participants that if they are upfront about what is important to them, they will upset the other person and I say, “That’s OK.  You now have clarity that this person doesn’t value the same thing(s) you do and you haven’t wasted your time with this person…and you haven’t wasted their time either.”  Sometimes, we get into relationships where we date a person for a few months before we ask these important questions.  Why?

For example, one participant at a speed dating event saw one of my Top Ten Speed Dating Tips and decided to implement that tip during his 15 mini-dates that very night.  While I was there supporting the participants, one woman came up to me very upset that a gentleman had asked her about her political views.  Later on, that same gentleman came to me and stated that he had asked about political views and had upset a few women.  I asked him how important political views were to him, and he stated that it was very important; that he couldn’t be with someone who didn’t share his political views.

While a question like that may upset someone, guess what?  You have your answer!  Many times, because we are too afraid to upset someone, we delay talking about an important value/subject like this and you’ve wasted valuable time and energy with someone who likely wasn’t compatible for you.

Your REQUIREMENTS in a relationship are things that are non-negotiable such as religion, politics, non-drinker, etc.; either that person agrees with your requirement or they don’t.  A requirement is something that is black or white; unlike NEEDS, which are different from REQUIREMENTS, there are no shades of gray in between.  Either they are Jewish, a democrat, and a non-drinker or they aren’t.  Once you know your requirements, it is time to find someone who meets ALL OF YOUR REQUIREMENTS or move on when they don’t because even just one of your requirements not being met will eventually lead to an unsolvable problem in the relationship.  Wouldn’t you want to find out if this might be a problem upfront rather than months or years later?

Listen to a previously recorded Conscious Dating Group Coaching Support Call

Register to participate in the next Conscious Dating Group Coaching Support Call
(Third Monday of every month at 8:30 pm EST, 7:30 CST, 6:30 MST, 5:30 PST)

Money & Your Subconscious…

money-and-your-subconscious-mind1-300x163Do you stress over money?  Not having enough?  Wishing you had more?  Money is charged with emotions and tied to our beliefs!  We have so many emotions and beliefs attached to money that are hanging out in our subconscious.  These things, that we don’t even know are there, hold us back from acquiring the amount of money we wish we had.

For example, I was listening-in on a group coaching call led by another coach and, through the story that another woman was telling, I found one of my own limiting beliefs sitting right there in my subconscious that I never knew I had.  In a nutshell, I found myself recalling a memory of my mom teaching me how to save money.  Whatever money I received from birthday presents, grandparents, etc., I was to put into an old Skippy peanut butter jar that my mom kept in her dresser drawer.

It’s a good lesson, right?  Save your money by putting it away and not spending it!  Well, what I didn’t realize was what this interaction imprinted upon me;  that that I wasn’t allowed to manage my money or I am unable to manage my own money.  Money would always be managed by someone else.  In this case, my mom, who kept my money away from me in her dresser drawer with only the ability to make deposits under her supervision.

And so here I was at age 41 still not really managing my own money.  For me, this was an epiphany.  It wasn’t that I was completely irresponsible with money.  After all, my mother had taught me other great lessons about money.  I paid my bills on-time and put money away for retirement, but I wasn’t very good at saving, budgeting, or planning and someone else has always made the  big money decisions for me (my parents, a financial planner, etc.)

What might be lurking in your subconscious about money? 

What great lessons were you taught that may have given you a false belief that you carry around with you to this day?

By bringing this false belief to my consciousness, I was now able to make a choice about it.  I talked about it with friends and found the program, Quicken, which is awesome!   This software automatically connects to your bank accounts, credit cards, etc. and shows you how much you spend each month in a variety of categories.  It also has a budget planner and a bill reminder.  (Highly recommended for personal banking; not business banking/accounting.)

I started to get clear about what I was spending my money on, and how much, which led me to make some new choices and begin managing my money more consciously.  I have much farther to go in the goal of being a better manager of my money, but the first, small step was becoming aware of my beliefs.

A great book for you to get started on this is “Conscious Money,” by Patricia Auberdene.